Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
