god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
