Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
