Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
