Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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