You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize