Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
