obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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