Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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