just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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