Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
