Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
