im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
sex in a hospital.. check
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
