oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
