Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize