My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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