I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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