i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
