is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
