Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its liver damage thursday
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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