Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
