people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
