So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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