you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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