Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
