We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
