so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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