So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
