I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
please don't ironically join a cult
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