it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
