please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
