I molested 6 butterflies tonight
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
