it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
