it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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