Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need to align my fucking chakras
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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