Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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