you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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