Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
