The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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