do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
