I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
