I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
