I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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