You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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