The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
