oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
