Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
