I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
