If i come over, it means nothing
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
