you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
