What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize