Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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