How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Barsexuality is the new black.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
