it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
