I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
