New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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