You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
