i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
