I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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