Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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