I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
