Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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