grandma shit on top of the toilet
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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