You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
