i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
