i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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