I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
