She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
