I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
