That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
