I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
