I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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