R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
