somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
