Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
