We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
