Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
