giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's the barista slut.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
