i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
